I never seem to write taglines for things, but in honour of having a new job that lets me write a lot of puns, today I’ll do ten probably-quite-silly taglines.

KILLER CLOWN MOVIE: Jester ‘bout dead.

INDIE TWEE LOVE STORY: Love comes with a squee.

SENTIENT CAT MOVIE: This shit is fur real.

INCOMPETENT AIRFORCE MOVIE: Wingin’ it.

INCEST COMEDY: Keeping it in the family.

EATING COMPETITION MOVIE: Hungry for glory.

VIGILANTE FEMALE GANG: Badass Bitches Bustin’ Balls

STOCKMARKET LOVE STORY: Shares the love.

ACROBAT BY DAY SUPERHERO BY NIGHT: It’s a balancing act.

DEATH FALLS IN LOVE W/ HUMAN: Watch out for THE KISS OF DEATH.

I will go and hang my head in shame at the puns now.

I’m fiddling around with an idea with a bunch of vigilante women at the moment. They’re fun characters to write, but they need something to do. So this week I’m gonna brainstorm ten reasons a “good” gang might help out.

Stalky Ex
Anna goes to the gang because her ex-boyfriend has been following her home after work.
The gang hold him down and tattoo STALKER on his forehead.

Drug Debt
Richard goes to the gang for help because another gang are threatening to break his legs for drug money.
The gang agree to pay the other gang in exchange for Richard legally working for the money at their auto wrecking yard... but if he doesn’t keep his end of the deal, THEY’LL break his legs.

Abortion Needed
A local teenage girl desperately trying to hide her pregnancy from her strict father approaches the gang and asks for help getting an abortion.
The gang fly her to a city hospital and pay for the abortion themselves, because that’s the kind of thing they do.

Elderly Scam
Mr and Mrs Jenkins are in their eighties, and they go to the gang for help when they’re scammed by a local doctor who tells them he has a cure for Mrs Jenkins’ cancer, then takes their life savings.
The gang force him to burn down his own practice, claim insurance, and give all the money to Mrs Jenkins so she can go to a real doctor.

Wayward Daughter
Christine goes to the gang for help because she knows they’re the only ones who will talk some sense into her daughter, who won’t stop cutting school to go rollerskating with no-hopers.
The gang scare the daughter into toeing the line by regaling her with tales of their time in juvie.

Molesty Teacher
A very nervous 12 year old too scared to go to the police comes to the gang to tell them that the respected local teacher has been molesting kids.
The gang swing into action and threaten to castrate him unless he turns himself in, which he does.

Drunk Driver
A chronic drunk driver has her fifth charge for the year and injures a child, but gets away with it because she’s a respected business person.
The gang wreck every car she buys henceforth.

Creepy Cultist
A new Church sets up in town and starts drugging the locals in the name of connection to a higher spirit.
The gang trick them into thinking they’ve been sent by God to punish them and run them out of town in their battle truck.

Animal Abuse
A local farmer doesn’t look after his animals properly and they’re all starving and sick. He constantly tricks animal welfare by caring for only a portion of the animals and hiding the rest when they visit.
The gang smuggle all the animals out and give them to a kind farmer. Abusive farmer’s business goes under and he’s forced to leave town.

Racist Assholes
A Turkish family move into town and start up a kebab store. Their store is vandalised constantly by the racist family who own the fish and chip shop and think their business is being stolen.
The gang sneak a range of dead animals into the fish and chip shop stock right before a health inspection and the store is shut down. The kebab store becomes the only option and is soon a huge hit, and the gang get free kebabs whenever they want.


I’ve got to say, it’s really weird for me to write about a bunch of badass ladies who aren’t fighting...tentacles..or something. Probably good for me though ;)

Today I'm going to write ten reasons characters would want to quit their jobs.

Fabio is a twenty-six year old hairdresser. Every second Tuesday he cuts forty-nine year old Mrs. Langham's hair. Whenever he leans over her to do her fringe, he hears her sniff him and inhale his scent deeply. Then she winks and raises her eyebrows. 

Clara is a nurse at the local rest home. This year she's had scabies twice, and last night her boyfriend said she smelled like old man wees. 

Who knows when you’re going to need an emergency cast of monsters to draw from?

1. EYETACLES
Tentacle monster with eyes instead of suckers.

2. GIANT SCABIES
Giant scabies that burrow inside your body until you explode from itching.

3. LIMBS
A scuttling mass of limbs with no face.

4. KINDERPEDE
A centipede that is basically a series of baby heads attached to each other, each with a set of tiny deformed legs.

5. GOD
An impossibly old shrunken man who will control your life if you believe in him.

6. STRETCH CAT
An cat with giraffe length legs, cheetah like speed, and enhanced claws made out of diamonds. Hiss.

7. FOOOOOOT
A giant, singular foot that will crush you between the toes or slit your throat with toenails.

8.  INVISIBLE GIANT SQUID
A giant squid that has developed invisibility and a penchant for squeezin’ human throats.

9. ACID MASS
A tumorous slug-like mass that spits acid which will cause your body to turn inside out from the place you touched it.

10. EVIL K’NEEDLE
A small imp that picks YOU to torture by hiding just out out sight at all times and stabbing you with a needle when you’re not looking.