I've been thinking for a while that I'd like to write a post about juggling full time work, creative endeavours, and pesky things like Actual Life. Before I begin, this post is also a shout out, to everyone who consistently does it successfully. You're a god damn hero. You deserve a thousand candy bars and every success that comes your way. It's unlikely you get much thanks or props for doing what you do, so here it is: You rock, man. Keep at it. 

Until I started try and occasionally failing to do it, I don't think I ever truly understood what sort of willpower it takes to come home from work and start more work. A full day of work will knock the energy out of you, that is basically a fact whatever your day-job may be. I'm sure igloo builders come home just as wiped as cat motel owners. Plus, context switching. It's really hard, yo. Those who have the ability to switch their brain from day job work to creative projects at a moments notice are gods among men. I need distinct chunks of either or I explode. 

Now, this is not a complaint in any way. I love my job and am thankful to go and do something every day that I don't just tolerate, but genuinely enjoy. I place a lot of value on working somewhere where I don't count the minutes until home time. I know I'm extremely lucky to not work somewhere I dream of burning down and dancing naked around. I also know that all of the personal creative writing work I take on outside of my day job is a choice, and I hope it is a lifelong choice. However: If it's hard to figure out work/life balance, then it's even harder to figure out work/creative work/life balance.

I think I've been working full time as well as writing close to six months now, which I'm aware is a drop in the ocean of real-person-hood. Regardless, I've learned some important things about how I work. This mostly happened through trial and error, which included a fair share of totally unproductive weeks ("Screw it, I'll start again next week"), as well as some that were way too productive and burned me out later on ("WRITE ALL THE THINGS! ALL OF THEM! MWAHAHA"). 

I now know that the chances of my doing solid writing work on a week night are high fashion model type slim. I'm far more likely to want to eat a pizza and pat my cat. I've figured out that my best chance of productivity is going into work an hour early every morning to write. It works for me (although we'll see how it goes once winter hits), it might not work for you creatures of the night.

If I really want to get something done on a week night, I have two workable options. The first is scheduling a writing night at a fellow writing+working friend's house. We force ourselves to write with no distractions, apart from some sort of delicious dinner break. It works, because we don't want to look like slacky-shit-writer in front of each other. A little competition can be productive, and I tend to produce more work than usual in that scenario. I thank my family for this healthy competitive streak (I dare you to sit through a game of Pictionary with us).

The other night time activity is similar - working on projects with a co-writer. This also works for me because although I might dying of tired, I am conscious of making sure I carry my weight. Plus, it wakes me up and re-invigorates me to write with a like-minded individual. He makes a joke about plums, I make a joke about golf courses, ????, comedy gold. Co-writing is great, because it can make your brain go places it wouldn't on its own. Gotta find the right person though, or you'll find yourself credited on the fictional retelling of Aunty Joan's Foot Secrets (don't ask).

In the weekends, I'm learning to give myself a decent break if I need it. This is where the 'life' part of the work/creative work/life balance thing comes in. Sleep in, do some much needed washing, see a movie, make and eat a dozen bacon cupcakes. There are times when I don't do enough of this stuff, but I try to remind myself: If I do not live life, I cannot write solely about my cat.

Sometimes if my weekdays have been a write-off writing wise and all my relaxing has already slipped into the week, I'll try and knock something out in the weekend. If it's been a couple of weeks like that, I have a new method. One weekend recently, we held a writing marathon at our house where six writers attempted to write a feature each in a weekend. Two people finished with 75 page scripts, I got to page 60 on mine. Not bad for 48 hours and $15 of Pick'n'Mix candy.

Anyways, the last six months have been a learning curve and I'm still screwing up the balance pretty consistently. For me the key is to remember why I'm doing it. It is not the millions of dollars and the hookers and the free cheese because they don't exist (...yet). I do it cos I'd be really bored if I didn't write. A full time job is not enough, gotta have this creative outlet too. I want to get better and have the end products be stuff I am proud of. 

Just gotta remember that there's always time for a break, and in that break, there is always time for the most important thing: patting cats. Keep truckin', creative friends. 

Just a quick one today because I’ve had a mighty busy week.

EXERCISE 12: TEN REASONS A CHARACTER WOULD STUB THEIR TOE

1. Hamish stubbed his toe on purpose because he and his girlfriend have been drifting apart and he wants her to hug him.

2. Rochelle was carrying a body rolled up in a shower curtain and couldn’t see that well when she stubbed her toe.

3. Mitchell had an alien Facehugger attached to his face, so really, stubbing his toe was the least of his worries.

4. Brenda stubbed her toe while running after the man she was going to kidnap and force to marry her.

5. Lauren stubbed her toe learning to walk with her new prosthetic foot. It didn’t hurt.

6. Gloria stubbed her toe on the way to join her cult in a mass suicide, and the pain made her realise she was too scared to drink the Kool Aid.

7. Andrea stubbed her toe and tripped, causing the sniper aiming at her to miss.

8. Sarah tripped over the damn cat again.

9. Maria stubbed her toe while carrying  Christmas dinner to the table. She dropped the turkey and her family were mighty glad, because she gives them food poisoning every year.

10. Rodney stubbed his toe during sex and liked it.

I never seem to write taglines for things, but in honour of having a new job that lets me write a lot of puns, today I’ll do ten probably-quite-silly taglines.

KILLER CLOWN MOVIE: Jester ‘bout dead.

INDIE TWEE LOVE STORY: Love comes with a squee.

SENTIENT CAT MOVIE: This shit is fur real.

INCOMPETENT AIRFORCE MOVIE: Wingin’ it.

INCEST COMEDY: Keeping it in the family.

EATING COMPETITION MOVIE: Hungry for glory.

VIGILANTE FEMALE GANG: Badass Bitches Bustin’ Balls

STOCKMARKET LOVE STORY: Shares the love.

ACROBAT BY DAY SUPERHERO BY NIGHT: It’s a balancing act.

DEATH FALLS IN LOVE W/ HUMAN: Watch out for THE KISS OF DEATH.

I will go and hang my head in shame at the puns now.

I’m fiddling around with an idea with a bunch of vigilante women at the moment. They’re fun characters to write, but they need something to do. So this week I’m gonna brainstorm ten reasons a “good” gang might help out.

Stalky Ex
Anna goes to the gang because her ex-boyfriend has been following her home after work.
The gang hold him down and tattoo STALKER on his forehead.

Drug Debt
Richard goes to the gang for help because another gang are threatening to break his legs for drug money.
The gang agree to pay the other gang in exchange for Richard legally working for the money at their auto wrecking yard... but if he doesn’t keep his end of the deal, THEY’LL break his legs.

Abortion Needed
A local teenage girl desperately trying to hide her pregnancy from her strict father approaches the gang and asks for help getting an abortion.
The gang fly her to a city hospital and pay for the abortion themselves, because that’s the kind of thing they do.

Elderly Scam
Mr and Mrs Jenkins are in their eighties, and they go to the gang for help when they’re scammed by a local doctor who tells them he has a cure for Mrs Jenkins’ cancer, then takes their life savings.
The gang force him to burn down his own practice, claim insurance, and give all the money to Mrs Jenkins so she can go to a real doctor.

Wayward Daughter
Christine goes to the gang for help because she knows they’re the only ones who will talk some sense into her daughter, who won’t stop cutting school to go rollerskating with no-hopers.
The gang scare the daughter into toeing the line by regaling her with tales of their time in juvie.

Molesty Teacher
A very nervous 12 year old too scared to go to the police comes to the gang to tell them that the respected local teacher has been molesting kids.
The gang swing into action and threaten to castrate him unless he turns himself in, which he does.

Drunk Driver
A chronic drunk driver has her fifth charge for the year and injures a child, but gets away with it because she’s a respected business person.
The gang wreck every car she buys henceforth.

Creepy Cultist
A new Church sets up in town and starts drugging the locals in the name of connection to a higher spirit.
The gang trick them into thinking they’ve been sent by God to punish them and run them out of town in their battle truck.

Animal Abuse
A local farmer doesn’t look after his animals properly and they’re all starving and sick. He constantly tricks animal welfare by caring for only a portion of the animals and hiding the rest when they visit.
The gang smuggle all the animals out and give them to a kind farmer. Abusive farmer’s business goes under and he’s forced to leave town.

Racist Assholes
A Turkish family move into town and start up a kebab store. Their store is vandalised constantly by the racist family who own the fish and chip shop and think their business is being stolen.
The gang sneak a range of dead animals into the fish and chip shop stock right before a health inspection and the store is shut down. The kebab store becomes the only option and is soon a huge hit, and the gang get free kebabs whenever they want.


I’ve got to say, it’s really weird for me to write about a bunch of badass ladies who aren’t fighting...tentacles..or something. Probably good for me though ;)

Today I'm going to write ten reasons characters would want to quit their jobs.

Fabio is a twenty-six year old hairdresser. Every second Tuesday he cuts forty-nine year old Mrs. Langham's hair. Whenever he leans over her to do her fringe, he hears her sniff him and inhale his scent deeply. Then she winks and raises her eyebrows. 

Clara is a nurse at the local rest home. This year she's had scabies twice, and last night her boyfriend said she smelled like old man wees. 

Who knows when you’re going to need an emergency cast of monsters to draw from?

1. EYETACLES
Tentacle monster with eyes instead of suckers.

2. GIANT SCABIES
Giant scabies that burrow inside your body until you explode from itching.

3. LIMBS
A scuttling mass of limbs with no face.

4. KINDERPEDE
A centipede that is basically a series of baby heads attached to each other, each with a set of tiny deformed legs.

5. GOD
An impossibly old shrunken man who will control your life if you believe in him.

6. STRETCH CAT
An cat with giraffe length legs, cheetah like speed, and enhanced claws made out of diamonds. Hiss.

7. FOOOOOOT
A giant, singular foot that will crush you between the toes or slit your throat with toenails.

8.  INVISIBLE GIANT SQUID
A giant squid that has developed invisibility and a penchant for squeezin’ human throats.

9. ACID MASS
A tumorous slug-like mass that spits acid which will cause your body to turn inside out from the place you touched it.

10. EVIL K’NEEDLE
A small imp that picks YOU to torture by hiding just out out sight at all times and stabbing you with a needle when you’re not looking.

I'm still playing around with the serial killing family band idea from last week, working title KILL FOR A SONG.

POSSIBLE STORY: The Kilborn Family used to be perfectly happy travelling the world with their family band. But ten years ago, Mama Kilborn died *in a horrible way*. Papa Kilborn and his children kill people *for reasons related to Mama’s death*.

EXERCISE SEVEN: TEN WAYS TO JUSTIFY SERIAL KILLING

Today I’ll be thinking of ten ways to justify a Kilborn family murderous rampage, linked to Mama’s death and music in some way.

1.
I imagine the family travel around in a house-bus. Could have a drunk driver hit the bus and have Mama killed that way. This would give them a reason to hate “impure” people who drink/do drugs at their gigs. But this isn’t inherently linked to their music, which I think is really important.

2.
What if instead of killing impure people... they kill *pure* people. The most innocent person at each of their gigs, “because Mama needs good people with her in heaven". Of course, this makes no sense, because a. There’s theoretically already good people in heaven, and b. They might as well just join her there themselves if that’s what they want. But I do think it would be good to avoid having them kill impure people for kicks, since that’s pretty cliche.

3.
Mama’s favourite song is sung as a tribute at every gig, but it’s a horrible song. Anyone who dare boo the song gon’ get murdered.

4.
Mama was raped and murdered :( All of the Kilborn kids are boys except the youngest, Delilah. Now whenever a boy wants to date Delilah (or even look at her), they murder him to keep her safe like they couldn’t with Mama.

Problem with this: Why travel the world and expose Delilah to danger if they’re so desperate to keep her safe? Perhaps Mama wasn’t murdered, but died of injuries sustained from abuse. This would let her have the dying wish that they “Keep on singing”.

5.
Thus far I’ve had them serial killing people.

What if they serial kill something else?

What if Mama was mauled to death by a dog, or a wild cat? And now they’re quietly killing all of the cats/dogs they find, because they think they’re not safe to have around humans. They’re far less likely to get caught this way, but it’s still horrible.

But then, I actually don’t think I could bring myself to write about animal abuse (...and yet I’m okay with killing people in stories? Ha!). Also: Less at stake if it’s not people dying.

6.
I’ve done some Googling, and Thomas was one of the 12 Disciples of Jesus. He was also known as Doubting Thomas (you’ve heard the saying). I like the idea that the Kilborn family were originally followers of Jesus, and that after Mama died, they lost faith in Jesus and switched to following Thomas. Thomas didn’t believe that Jesus had died and risen again, but was courageous and loyal. So basically he was the only sensible one ;)

Papa Kilborn could teach his kids to question everything and never to have blind faith. But why would this motivate them to kill? I suppose I could fudge some flawed logic about why it makes sense to kill bad people, Dexter stylez. However, this would limit the amount of people they could find to kill.

7.
The thing about religion (especially Christian/faux Christian) stories is that as soon as you have a character who supposedly has those beliefs, killing people reads as a contradiction. Which is kind of ironic, considering that it’s something that happens oh, every day. I need to find a way of using this to my advantage, and make this contradictory behaviour one of my themes. The way to do this would be to have characters with strong beliefs, but batshit insane logic for doing bad things that justifies it to *them*. The point being: Show the audience that there is always a path from A to B - people aren’t just insane for no reason.

Anyway, in this context, it means finding a reason for the Kilborn family to go from having no-killing values to pro-killing values. Which means I have to look at it from their perspective. And I’ve just realised I’ve been thinking about this the wrong way.

This family are not killing people because they like it. THEY HATE IT. But they feel like they have to do it. They are genuinely concerned for the people that baddies might hurt. Killing them helps them sleep better at night. They feel like they’re making the world a safe place, like it wasn’t for their Mama.

8.
Building on the idea about killing people who try to get close to their little sister, what if I push it further than so that it covers all disrespect. Papa Kilborn hates disrespect with a fiery passion. Maybe Mama was killed because someone didn’t like the way she looked, or even just hated her beliefs. Now Papa Kilborn is ultra sensitive about respecting others, to the point that he’s taught his children to kill anyone who laughs at their songs or makes fun of their weird hippie lifestyle. OR - they murder anyone they see disrespecting their parents (maybe an estranged Kilborn sibling disrespected her Mama and somehow caused her death).

9.
Mama Kilborn committed suicide. Papa Kilborn believes it was because of hate mail from fans. The Kilborn Family believe they're extremely talented and  will murder anyone who says a bad word about their music. Dunning-Kruger effect gone wild: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect

10.
What if they had a family friend or distant relative who travelled with them back when Mama was alive, and that person turned out to be a compulsive liar and fraud who causes Mama’s death in some way. This would give the family an excuse to hate on liars and lying ‘n kill those who do it freely (again, to keep other people safe, not because they enjoy it).

Great for theme. My main character would have to tell lies to avoid killing, and risk being killed herself. Would be about the way good values can be twisted.



Right, so that was the toughest ten to dredge out of my brain yet, probably because the question was pretty vague. New ideas are always really messy at this stage and it gets difficult when there are infinite directions you can take a story. But wading my way through this mess is better than taking the first idea that comes.

From this lot, I should be able to pick something to use as motivation for my characters to do what they do. From there, I can get on with figuring out what the story actually is. Writing the actual script is pretty distant, but is more attainable than my poor cat’s quest to catch the laser pointer dot. One day, kitty. One day.

At the moment I’m playing around with one of the ideas I came up with a month or so ago - the concept of the travelling family band who are also serial killers.

So, what I just said right then is all I’ve got. I like it because the juxtaposition of a Partridge Family/Kelly Family (see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlli9ci2DqU if unfamiliar) type family with serial killing makes me laugh. I mean, they’re so goddamn creepy as it is, pushing it a little further to something like serial killing really isn’t that big of a leap.

Anyway, to go any further I need to make some choices in the direction I want the story to head. It could be that I get a little deeper in and find that this idea has no legs, but I want to find out.

So for choice number one:  Why the fuck are they serial killing?


EXERCISE SIX: Ten Reasons A Travelling Family Band Might Serial Kill

(Note: Since I’ve got nothing in stone yet, including characters, I’m going to try and explore as many possibilities as I can, including swapping around who the protagonist might be. I’m looking for ideas with high concept, clear conflict, and if possible, a bit of inherent irony)

(Note 2: For ease of writing, I’ll refer to them as The Kilborn Family. Haha. All names subject to change.)


RELIGIOUS REASONS

Might as well knock some of the more obvious ones out first. The Kilborn Family are members of a Satanic Cult and have minor fame around the world for the their pop folk music. They never tour the same place twice and have been making their way around every country they can get into. Now they’ve come to New Zealand to tour for the first time.

Only, it turns out the reason they don’t repeat visit is because the elder members of the family are serial killers. They kill someone off in every area they tour, but have never been popular enough to actually be noticed/caught/linked to the crimes.

The youngest of the Kilborn's, Delilah, turns sixteen, something she’s nervous and excited about. She's  finally old enough to help with the sacrificial killings to Satan her family have been doing it all her life. Papa Kilborn spoke to Satan in a dream and is convinced his family will only remain happy, healthy and lucky if they keep up the sacrifices.

Delilah (protagonist) attempts her first kill, but finds herself unable to go through with it, even though she really wants to keep her family and Satan happy.

Where does this story go? Not sure. The above is only first act stuff.

Note: Does not need to be Satan. Could be a Wiccan/witchcrafty/gypsy curse.


REVENGE!

Mama Kilborn was brutally murdered while The Kilborn Family were on tour years ago. Now every time they go on tour, they revenge murder a person per gig.


COMPETITIVE EDGE

The Kilborn Family are doing a tour of New Zealand before the Gold Guitar Awards in Gore, which they need to win as their money situation is getting dire (or something).

So they take out all of the competition in the country.

Problem: It’s going to become very obvious very quickly, having a string of murders in New Zealand, if there’s a connection like a country music festival. We’re just too small. This is probably an issue I will have with every idea.


STRANGE AGENDA

In the vein of DOGTOOTH, the Kilborn Family could be lead by parents with strange ideas about the world. They could believe that earth is overpopulated, and that certain types of people (maybe people not contributing to society in some way) ought to be wiped out.
And have taught their kids the same thing.


BATSHIT INSANE

The Kilborn Family children all suffer from schizophrenia/some other mental disorder that gives them an urge to kill that they can’t control. When they were young, their parents discovered that the only way to keep their brood under control was music.

So the family band was formed, and they travel around in order to keep themselves in check. But sometimes they slip, and it’s getting worse.

Note: This is good because it links the music and the killing.

Problem: I’m concerned that if I go with this one, I’ll be saying things about mental health I don’t want to say (ie. that all people with mental health problems are dangerous).


HYPNOTISM

The Kilborn Family kids are hypnotised into killing by their psychotic Father (no mother or other adults in this scenario. Protagonist would be eldest kid, about 19 or 20). Kids would think there was something wrong with them and would be too scared to leave their Father, which is exactly what he wants - the family band to stay together forever.


FUCKED UP COMPETITION

The Kilborn Family kids are competing with each other to rack up the highest kill-count for their time in New Zealand. Winner gets *something desirable* and losers get *something extremely undesirable*.

Note: Would need to find a reason for them killing, still.

Note note: This is cray cray.


SUPERSTITION

The family believe that the inspiration for their glorious music comes from the rush of killing.

Problem: Pretty easy problem to solve once they realise that’s bullshit. Would also need to establish *why* they think this.


DRUGS

They’re all on mind altering substances for their gigs that make them play extremely well and fix their crippling stage fright, but also make them killllllllllll.

Protagonist would be a kiwi cop on their trail.


CANNIBALS

Killing people to eat them, taking on the view that if we eat animals, we might as well eat people.

Problem: FRESH MEAT is about to hit NZ screens.


MISGUIDED MORALS

In a Dexter type scenario, the Kilborn Family are killing off people who they think are evil, and have their own moral code by which they judge this.

Could tie in religious beliefs.


DADDY ISSUES

Papa Kilborn and his sons kill off every boy who looks at the daughters (or maybe the only daughter?).

Protagonist would be a daughter who finds a boy she likes and doesn’t want him to die.


MONEY

The Kilborn Family are collecting *something valuable but small - spinal fluid? stem cells?* from the corpses of people they kill and selling it to a supplier overseas to fund their tours (or some other reason?).


SECOND ACT IDEA:

Nearly any of the reasons above could be taken and expanded on with this:

A teenage girl/;boy escapes her/his travelling family band and reports to a local Kiwi cop that their family are in fact serial killers. Together they hunt down the family before they kill again.



Okay, so went a bit further than my usual ten ideas today, but that’s because it’s work for an actual potential project as opposed to just fun. Some of these ideas pique my interest, but obviously none are fully formed. The next thing I’ll do is take the ones I like and try and figure out ways to make them work. It’s also completely likely I’ll wake up tomorrow morning and read over these and think they all suck, in which case I’ll probably try for another batch of ideas, or bang my head against the keyboard. Whichever feels good. ;)

Slightly apprehensive about posting this lot, since they’re really just the seeds of a new idea, but someone out there might find it interesting to see how another writer figures shit out. Always interesting to look at an idea and realise just how endless the directions it could go are.

Anyway, if any of this lot sticks out as particularly interesting to you, please let me know. I’ll call this “audience testing”. Haha.

Sometimes my friends and I think of titles before we think of a story to go with it. Usually they’re bad puns/wordplays. We have a whiteboard in our flat for such occurrences. “TRAMPIRE THE HOBO VAMPIRE” is a favourite.

Anyway, today’s challenge:

Ten B Movie Film Titles (Exercise 5)

KILL FOR A SONG
- Serial killing travelling family band.

DISCOBOT
- Robot dance movie.

ANTIPOPE
- The Antichrist manages to worm his way into power as the Pope.

VENGEANCE IS MAYAN
- Sick of 2012 apocalypse rumours, the Mayan’s live up to their own prophecies.

GORE IN GORE
- New Zealand slasher. Possibly set during the Gold Guitar Awards.

BRAIN DRAIN
- New Zealanders leaving for Australia because of Australian government mind control machine.

NUN FOR THE HILLS
- Nun rampage.

LET’S EAT GRANDMA
- The movie where grammar actually is the difference between life and death (oh god, so bad. Sorry guys).

POOL OF BLOOD
- A murder in the synchronised swimming team.

LASER SQUID
- It is what it is.


Comment on any you like/do your own!

Good characters are well rounded and have flaws that affect how they react in different situations.

Today I’m going to come up with ten character flaws.

EXERCISE FOUR: CHARACTER FLAWS

Shirley is a mermaid. She thinks all humans are scum for ruining the ocean. Shirley needs to learn that not everything is black and white.

Sally hates winning. She doesn’t like to beat her AI robot son at Checkers because she knows it makes him feel bad (because he has feelings!). Sally needs to learn that she’s only harming her son by letting him win all of the time.

Bella seems like the perfect woman. She’s always the person with the best advice for other young Bigfoot Enthusiasts... until one of them finds better methods than hers, and Bella refuses to accept them. Bella needs to learn that she is not always right.

Ron never wants to put anyone out. He always gets his girlfriend to decide where they’re going to have dinner, what they’re going to watch, and when it’s time for bed. Ron needs to learn that his attempts to be kind are actually frustrating as hell, and to make some decisions himself, before his girlfriend casts a dark magic spell on him to make him a different person.

Richard is constantly trying to impress everyone at the Genetic Splicing Enthusiasts Club so he can become one of the boys. Richard needs lose the act if he wants to prove himself.

Christine is a comedian. The audience always starts off loving her, but as her jokes get more and more inappropriate, they always end up feeling awkward. Christine needs to learn where the line is, instead of resorting to hypnotising her audiences to give positive reviews.

Arnold really wants a girlfriend. REALLY REALLY wants a girlfriend. In fact, it’s all he thinks about. Arnold needs to learn that to be a love interest to girls, he’s got to be interesting to himself. And maybe stop kidnapping them too.

Ziggy constantly makes mistakes at his job at the Cracker Factory. When he accidentally tips toxic waste into one of the cracker vats and blames someone else, his workmates become super mutants. Ziggy has to learn to be honest and take responsibility for his mistakes if he wants to get out alive.

Murray is callous to his son Max, who has just told him he’s in a relationship with one of the race of friendly aliens that landed on earth eight months ago. Murray has to learn to show his love for his son if he doesn’t want to lose him.

Rosie is secretly in love with her best friend Anna, but has never told her. Instead she subtly breaks up all of Anna’s relationships. Anna has recently discovered this and won’t even talk to her. When Rosie stalks Anna’s new boyfriend and finds out he’s a serial killer, Rosie must learn to help people for the right reasons, not the selfish ones.


Do your own, or comment on any you like.